Tell Her Not To Go
by Leasbian
Summary: When Maura takes a trip to Africa to help Ian out, Jane comes to terms with her feelings. This is really just a one-shot that I divided into multiple chapters because I do stuff like that. Warning, the girls spend most of the story apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Nose: So this story has been floating around my head for awhile and well I'm doing NaNoWriMo and I needed something to clear my Writer's Block. It was inspired by Del Amitri's Tell Her This. You should listen to that song. Because it reminds me so much of Rizzles.**

* * *

Jane Rizzoli stood between a rock and hard place. Actually, she stood between the front door and her best friend. Her best friend; a woman all packed up and ready to leave her.

"Okay," Maura let the word persist. "If you can give me one good explanation. One concrete reason to stay, then...I will. No cerebration. No assessments. I'll stay."

Sweat was assembled at her brow. The dip in her back. Her chest. Her pits. She was sweating. She was going to lose Maura Isles to Ian Faulkner. A man too good to be true.

_Tell her_, a voice in the back of her mind told her._Tell her all the reasons _you _want her to stay._ Jane opened her mouth, a breath freed from her lips. But no words came out.

_Tell her not to go!_

She wore a scowl. The same scowl she'd worn for days, weeks, after learning of Maura's plan to departure for three months to Africa. But, tonight, it was the last night she'd see Maura. It was the last night to change her mind. And rightfully, she hadn't realized that she had the ability to until today. So, the idea of staying for Jane was seasoned on Maura. It was fulminant for the both of them.

"We'll keep in touch, Jane." Maura furthered. "If that's your fear." She offered a small smile. It was barely perceptible. "Email. Skype. Phone. Text. It isn't idealistic, considering we have spent almost every day together for years but...it'll do?" Her tone, her voice, it hitched at the end. She was looking for a friend. She was looking for her friend. She was looking for Jane to tell her this was a great idea.

And who the hell was Jane to ask Maura to stay, to keep Maura from saving lives just because she didn't like the thought of Maura more than ten miles away?

"Right." Jane confirmed. A tight smile settled on her lips. Her chest was consecrate. Hallow. The kiss on her cheek then the close of the front door reverberated her skeleton. Her bones, delicate with hungriness and hurting, rattled in her skin.

Maura was gone. Maura Isles was gone. For three fucking months.

Jane turned down the lights. She turned down the television. But, she couldn't turn down the voices in her head.

She sat in her kitchen table. Her cell phone on her table. Face down. She was in the dark. Jo Friday, squandered somewhere in her apartment.

Why did she miss Maura so much? Why did she want Maura to stay? The answers were never lost on her, not for a moment. She knew from the moment she saw Maura, she was in love. Of course, she hadn't accepted the feeling as love at first. And even now, she still had trouble with the feeling. How could one person make her feel an integral range of emotions within the course of minutes? Blessed. Gloomy. Pissed. Peeved. Fascinated. Hated. Aroused.

It was the way Maura was so unfeignedly gracious. No one should ever be that benevolent and charitable to humanity. Jane often found herself constantly perplexed. She always calculated like the hardest math problem of her life who deserved to have Maura as a friend but she knew if she went too far into _that_ district, she would find _herself _contemptible.

The beer bottle felt like it'd rusted in her hands when there was a small flash of light from the kitchen table then her phone vibrated in her direction.

_I've had an exceedingly, impossibly long day, Jane. Please tell me everything is up to par in Boston. The city has not fallen to portions has it? - Maura_

_Uh, I checked. _Jane typed. Her fingers were shaking. The beer was forgotten on the floor between her feet. _Everything seems to be just fine. Junkies are still junkies. Apparently they didn't get the memo of your departure. They've started to arrange a parade for you, though. I'll tape it and email it to you. - Jane_

_Your witticism never ceases to perturb me. How is Bass? - Maura _

_He's been howlin' all night. He misses you. - Jane_

When the response wasn't instant, Jane tried again.

_Ma misses you too. She tried a new recipe. You would have appreciated it. It was baked. And well...you know I prefer fried. - Jane _

_Send them my love, Jane. You of all can transport my love. Much better than I can. - Maura_

_I miss you, Jane. - Maura_

Her hands shook. Her thumbs hovered above the letters on her touchscreen phone. She read the words without really seeing them. She tried to imagine Maura saying them. She said them aloud and tried to match the tone of her best friend. She heard them in her head. But, nothing quite like her imagination could equivocate. She wasn't very creative.

_Go to sleep, Dr. SmartyPants. I'll let everyone know you miss them. _

It wasn't how she'd wanted to say goodbye, but she couldn't find it in herself to admit to Maura that she missed her too. Not after she'd almost streamed her heart out so bare, her chest was still sanative from the wound Maura made in her skin. Grabbing a hold of Jane's rhythmical, hesitating heart. And like it was still connected by a string, pulling it along with her all the way to Africa.

Jane could still feel that pull. As much as she desired she could clip the string that held her and Maura together, that held her heart attached to her, that kept it beating, she couldn't even envisage what it would be like to not have some sort of tenderness to Maura. The thought alone gave her chills and she suddenly felt cold and alone. Although the feeling was already viscus through her veins like a second pulse.

_Goodnight, Jane. - Maura_

Her late reply came only ten minutes later. Jane tried to snub a feeling in the back of her mind. The feeling that told her Maura had thinned her a pity goodnight. She'd been so busy with Ian that she'd unnoticed to respond. That Jane wasn't essential.

Especially not as important as malnourished, indisposed children.

Jane carefully placed the phone beside her on the table, despairing she could just bury all thoughts about Maura. But, how could she? Years_, for years_, they'd spent so much time together, she was sure their skin would link. They'd never left each others side. And it felt like a good idea at the time, because it felt so good to be so loved. To be so cared for. To have someone right there when you needed them and you didn't have to even ask.

Jane needed to be loved again. She needed someone to remove her boots after a long day of work. She needed someone to crawl up the bed beside her and settle next to her. She needed to hear that placid sigh escape their lips. A happy smile on their face. And she needed to share in their small pillow talk before aimlessly floating off to sleep.

She picked the beer bottle up from between her feet. But she didn't bring it to her lips to just yet. She swirled the remnants of the liquid in the bottle as she watched absolutely nothing but fantasies of Maura being that person. Because she couldn't imagine that person as anyone else. But, fuck it, she was going to try.

If Maura could travel to Africa and fuck Ian and save children without a second thought about Jane, then Jane could give her heart to someone else.

And she tried. She wanted to pull her heart from the other side of the world. Fuck clipping the string, no, if she clipped it, she'd be left heartless. And Maura would have the rotten organ as memories. No, Jane wanted her entire heart back. And she was going to need the strength pull her heart back to her .


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been Friday since the last time Jane had heard from Maura. Maura had warned her that every moment she could, she was all Jane's. And it comforted her. Knowing that any extra time Maura had, Jane was going to be able to talk to her. But, had she known that Maura would be so busy, she'd been hesitant to hope.

That Monday night, she was with Korsak and Frost as they engaged over pinball. Normally, Jane's partner and even sometimes sole opponent was Maura. She could tell that they detected her foul mood. Her vicious apprehension that there was more than one way to miss Maura Isles. She'd been having that realization a lot today and she thought for a moment that the Dirty Robber was innocuous. The Dirty Robber was hers. It shouldn't have been besmirched with Maura. But it had been.

A blonde woman and her friend occupied the booth that belonged to Jane and Maura. The friend fitted Ian rather Jane. And the sight miffed her heart. She felt it throb. She felt a pull from Maura's end of the string.

Jane stood with her arms crossed over her chest. Trying to keep herself together. Her bottle dangled loosely from thin fingers. Her ankles crossed. Her back against the wall. She wore a permanent glare. She didn't even care to try to fix her mood for everyone else's sake. They should miss Maura too. Things were different.

"Chick at the bar is staring at you, hard fucking core." Frost said from the side of his mouth as he tried to look casual. Although his face was turned away from the bar.

Jane's eyes scanned for Maura. Optimistic. But, she came across a pair of eyes that were just a shade off. Just slightly. They could have passed for Maura's by anyone else. But Jane knew those hazel eyes anywhere. She could find them in a crowd of green.

"Uh, uh, Janie. She looks like the Doc." Korsak chimed as he glanced over to the woman. He soon turned his attention back to the pinball machine when the woman was far too young to be considered and far too into his old partner.

Jane noticed it too. That the woman resembled a young Maura Isles. She looked younger than Maura by five years. Young wasn't Jane's thing. Maura was. But, this woman was here. Maura wasn't. And she was interested. Unlike Maura. It was like having a taste of what could have been. So Jane pushed herself off the wall and smiled. She felt her dimples form in her cheeks. Those always got women.

"She's not serious, is she?" She heard Frost subtly say to Korsak.

"She is." He responded with a laugh.

She knew that it was obvious by now if it hadn't been before She was going after someone who looked like Maura. She was a lot more sadder today than she had been the day Maura actually left. Her mood was disgustingly loathsome. So foul, she was surprised it lacked an odor.

They knew now that she was in love with Maura.

Not for long. "Hey," Jane smiled. "Another one?" She tilted her own beer bottle to the empty glass in the woman's hands.

"Uh," The young Maura looked down. "Uh, yeah. Sure." She was hesitant and nervous. Maura was never hesitant and nervous. Not like this.

"Hey, Vinny, can we get another one of these and a beer." She said to the muscled bartender.

He nodded. "Where's your girl, Rizzoli?" He asked, his eyes flickering to the young woman.

"She's in Africa." Jane spat. Without looking away from the new woman. "What are you doing in a cop bar?" She leaned against the counter. She felt eyes on her and she wasn't sure who they belonged to but she didn't care. She was pulling her heart back to her chest. She was falling out of love with Maura.

"My brother," The young woman glanced to a beat cop across the room, who appeared to be hitting on a woman. "It's his first day on the job."

Jane looked the woman up and down. And she liked what she saw. The woman looked nervous. Even more-so now that Jane wore a smirk. A greedy smirk. One that told her she was going home with this Detective no matter how much she fought against it. And she was going to like it.

The two women chatted. They got to know each other. As much as Jane wanted to know, anyway. She found out the woman was a teacher. For kindergarten. She found out the woman had a dog.

By midnight, Jane was drunk. So drunk she had her friend who's name she couldn't care to remember dragging her to a cab and into her apartment.

She giggled at something Maura had said to her once. But kept the joke to herself.

"Come to bed with me." She said.

Amy? Ashley? Whatever her name was only gave Jane a look. A wary look. "Uh," She was torn. "I...I have work tomorrow."

"You don't have to stay for breakfast." The bluntness was a surprise for both women.

"Just a one night stand, right?" The woman's voice was calm. But, Jane could tell that it'd hurt her. She was being used and it was unmistakable.

It wouldn't come to begging. But, what was one more time? "Come on." She nudged. "When's the last time you did something _bad_."

The woman bit her bottom lip as she thought. Something Jane had seen Maura do something a lot of times.

"I've...never...with..." She trailed off.

"I'll take care of you." Jane smiled. Her lips almost curled into a smirk. She didn't have to coerce this woman. She didn't have to try. It was already there. Something that was different about her and Maura. Maura wasn't attracted to Jane.

The next morning, Jane awoke to an empty bed. She slipped into her basketball shorts and wife-beater. She could hear someone padding around her apartment. She knew it was her guest from last night. As she stood by her bedroom door, she quietly watched the woman scrutinize a photo on the wall near the door. And Jane could see the wheels turning in her head. She could see the woman recognizing just what she'd been last night. The replacement. The second choice. Because the first choice was evidently unobtainable.


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of doing the same thing Tuesday night, Jane decided she'd do it Friday night. Instead of going to the Robber Friday night like she'd been the rest of the week, she went to Merch. And most people knew her there as the cop who took down the owner. She didn't have to hide herself there. They'd known she was a cop. They'd known she was a lesbian if not already experimenting.

That Friday night, she found a woman who looked so much like Maura, she was sure they were dopplegangers.

She repeated the same thing she'd done on Tuesday night. Got the woman drunk. Went home with her. And woke up to her leaving. There were some similarities. She made rules. The woman had to be smart. But, not too smart. The woman had to be sure about her decision to go home with Jane. The woman had to be beautiful like Maura. The woman had to be experienced in that area. The woman had to be a lesbian. Not bisexual. Not experimenting. Not just flexible with her sexuality. A lesbian.

Saturday, Jane was on call. But, she spent most of her day doing yoga and working out. Sunday, she was on call still but she hadn't been called in. Monday, she worked on open cases she had. She avoided going down to the morgue. Because she couldn't handle seeing Dr. Pike perform the autopsies Maura should be performing.

But, she couldn't stop herself when one of Maura's notes didn't make sense. And at this moment, she needed Maura to explain what the hell it meant.

When she walked down to the basement, she didn't see Dr. Pike in the morgue. Instead, the light for Maura's office was on. And for a moment, a glimmer of hope flickered in her eyes. But, at this time of night, Maura would be on a roll listening to Johann Sebastian Bach or Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart or a podcast on NPR while she was elbow deep in chest cavity.

Dr. Pike sat with his head in a book at Maura's desk. Oblivious to the tall Detective watching him. He scoffed at something in the book then turned the page.

Jane rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure the Doc wrote specific instructions about you not being in her desk."

"For now, Dr. Maura Isles isn't here to boss me around." Dr. Pike said without looking away from his book. Jane had to always give him credit for standing up for himself. He didn't need words of encouragement like Maura did. "I run the Medical Examining of the Commonwealth of Boston for now."

"She's still Chief." Jane defended. "This is her office."

"Right now, her office is a tiny closet in Malawi." That wasn't her exact location but that was what Maura had everyone believing in Boston. She wasn't lying. She was just outside of Malawi. In a town that was considered apart of Malawi. And no one ever cared to correct her.

"I'll just tell her." She hated pulling the 'I'm running to mommy' card with anyone but...Maura had strict instructions. Who the hell was Pike to break them?

"I won't deal with it for another three months. By then, Boston will have realized my talents and made me Chief Medical Examiner."

"So, that was your intention when you took the interim job?" It made sense. He had everyone believing it was because he was second best. He wasn't. There were interns far better than him. First year medical students that could get the job done in a far more timely manner than he could.

"Not at first." He looked up from his book. "But, it's only a matter of time." Jane didn't say anything. What could she say? If Maura stayed away for too long, she would be reasoned unreliable to Boston. They would choose someone else.

That Monday night, she went to drink at the Robber with Frost. Korsak had something else to do as sergeant. Some paperwork he had to fill out. Honestly, Jane had stopped caring after he said he couldn't join them. She chose not to pick up some woman that night. That night was about her and she was going to enjoy it as best as she could.

Frost never said anything about the amount of alcohol she was consuming. Whatever helped her sleep at night with their job.

That Tuesday, they'd gotten a case. Jane had been reminded of why she preferred Maura over Pike.

"How can you rule this a suicide, Dr. Pike?" She argued as they stood in front of a body hanging from the ceiling. "You've been here for five minutes!"

"Well, let's see, Detective. Rizzoli." He didn't even look at the body. "She's in her early twenties and it's finals time. She's hanging from a rope. I'd say she killed herself because she couldn't handle the pressure."

"Are you serious?" Jane's eye twitched in anger. "Dr. Isles would never make an assumption like that!"

"Well, Dr. _Isles_ is not here!" He yelled back. The two stared at each other for a moment. Her breath was heavy. She was sure she could move mountains with it. Her pulse was erratic.

Frost was pulling her away from the crime scene before she could say anything else.

That Tuesday night, she got a little more drunk than she had the night before.

With each growing day, there were always a reminder. It wasn't just one. But, there was always one big that got to her. It left her drunk in her apartment each night with Frost in the living room, there if she needed him. She didn't need him and he knew that. He knew exactly who she needed.

Maura had called her that morning. Three in the morning. Jane was awake, but she decided not to answer the call. She was making progress. She was pulling her heart back. She'd realized that the alcohol gave her the strength. So did the women. They helped her pull the rope. But, Maura was strong. And this game of tug war was wearing her ragged.

That Friday night, she skipped out on the Robber. She went to Merch again. She found another woman. Made more rules. The woman couldn't sound like Maura. The woman couldn't have hazel eyes. The woman couldn't wear heels. The woman couldn't wear a dress. The woman couldn't be as pale as Maura. She was left with a woman that could pass for Maura's sister rather doppleganger.

The next week, went worse. And her family and friends were starting to notice. Still, Jane had ignored Maura's calls.

"Talked to the Doc last night," Frost said as he dropped down into his seat. He leaned around his computer to get a better look at his partner. "She call you?"

"Yeah," Jane's eyes were covered by RayBan sunglasses.

"Good," he smiled. "That's good, Jane."

"We didn't talk." She shrugged.

He opened his mouth but Jane simply opened a file and hide her face in it.

* * *

The week after that, Angela was worried sick about her daughter. Jane didn't bother to go out anymore. She wouldn't allow anyone over. And she'd changed the locks to her apartment. Now, no one could get in. She'd left Jo Friday and Bass back at Maura's for her mother to take care of. She only left her apartment to go to work or go to Merch. For this week, she didn't wait until Friday. She went every damn night of the week. And she added more rules until she was taking home women that didn't look anything like Maura. Because the reminder only stung and gave Maura a better advantage.


	4. Chapter 4

Three weeks and four days in, Jane received an email from Maura. It took her twenty four hours to read it. When she got the notification, she'd been sitting at her desk eating Veggie Chips. Maura once chewed her out about the calories and transfat in Lays. So, she found herself eating these. Without making the connection Maura at first.

The notification was loud in the dark office. She and Frost were the only two that remained but she made it obvious by now that she didn't want anything to do with him. He stayed quiet at his desk. The only glow on his face was the glow from his computer screen, otherwise he looked miserable. She wondered if it had been because she ignored him. Normally, they didn't mind staying late. It was how they bonded sometimes. Working late. Cracking jokes.

She opened her browser on the computer and went straight to her personal email. There in bold letters, enunciating and emphasizing the importance of the email, was Maura Isles' name. The subject was 'Jane,' just 'Jane,'

She found herself afraid of reading it. Had Maura found out about all of the women she'd slept with? Was Maura angry? No. She wasn't. She couldn't have been. She had nothing to be angry about.

An hour later, Jane was biting her nails off staring at the subject at home. She had her browser open on her phone, her laptop, and even the tablet Maura had gotten her for Christmas. None of those devices had the email opened just yet.

The next morning, Jane awoke and she looked at her phone. She'd missed a call from Maura. She'd blocked all the texts from Maura so if Maura had even sent one, Jane didn't receive it. She was going to down to the phone store to see if she could block Maura's number somehow.

* * *

That night, she'd just gotten a new phone number. The only people who held that phone number in their file was her job. She'd asked Frost and Korsak not to give the number out. Not even her own brother had the number. Her mother was well on her way into breaking into files at the headquarters just to have a phone number.

She opened the email around the same time she'd received it that night. It was eleven. She had nothing else to do but drink. She scratched her scalp and ran her fingers through her hair as she chugged her beer. It was three-fourths empty now. She opened the email and her hand flew back to her hair as she played with it.

Her eyes immediately grew smaller into a scowl.

Jane, I recognize you are upset with me. I wish I could say I interpret why. Have I done something wrong? I have spoken to everyone but you. Everyone is distressed.

She closed the email. She closed her laptop. She padded her floor back to her refrigerator and cracked open a new beer.

A week later, Jane received a letter from Maura in the mail. Instead of reading it, she filed it away in her desk drawer. That night, she went to a new gay bar. She didn't like the regulars at Merch and she hoped this new place Cathie's could give her a new selection of women.

The woman she found that night was older. By five years. No resemblance to Maura Isles at all. The woman was very talkative. Jane found herself filling in the silence with bits of information. Factoids. The very same ones she'd wanted to forget. The ones she'd teased Maura about. And as they came from her mouth as they poured off her lips, she realized that she actually some interest in them. Otherwise, why would she remember every single one of them?

It had been a month by now. A month since Maura had left. Jane was a complete wreck. Sporting permanent dark circles under her eyes. She'd obviously lost a few pounds. Her only diet being healthy foods and alcohol. Her constant physical activity at home. Working out or having sex. And it wasn't sensual soft sex. No, Jane didn't want that. She had sex that required her to use a strap-on and push as hard as she could. It bordered violent sex. Hell, if the women weren't calling out her name and enjoying it, she would have feared she'd turned into some rapist.

Although, it had been only a month, no one had given up on her. They perpetually tried to get her to open up. But, eventually, you can only ignore the truth for so long. It was inevitable. The object of her behavior was to forget. And for a while, they couldn't figure out who she was trying to forget.

* * *

One day, Jane had accidentally walked in on a private meeting between her family and friends. She wondered if it had been a set up for an intervention. They were all there. Korsak. Frost. Frankie. And Angela. All that was missing was Maura. But, was she even friends with Maura anymore? Did she really have friends anymore? If Maura could walk away so easily, surely Frost and Korsak could.

"She called me at six last night," Angela told them.

"Seven." Frankie declared for himself.

"Thirty minutes after seven." Korsak said for himself.

"Eight." Barry said.

Jane had been the last one to receive a phone call last night. Maura had called her house phone. A phone Jane rarely ever used. The only reason it was in her apartment because of the package she'd gotten with her internet company. Get a house phone and the price was cut down in half.

"Did she talk to Jane?" Frost asked, hopefully. All the others scoffed. "Maybe..." He trailed off.

"I'm sure Jane would have come in with flowers falling out her ass if she talked to Maura." Frankie rolled his eyes. "That's what she needs. I bet it'd make her feel a lot better."

"Is that what she needs?" Korsak raised an eyebrow. "I thought she needed to get laid."

Frankie hit the older man's arm but Angela only laughed. "Either way, it's Maura that she needs."

Jane scowled from around the corner. She blew out the breath she'd been holding in and the banter stopped quickly. She showed her face only to see four very guilty faces. They'd been talking about her. It wasn't a secret that they were worried. But discussing her sex life or love life so openly at work? It could have been anyone standing where she was. They were lucky it'd been Jane. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

* * *

Another two weeks had gone by since that incident. Jane completely cut herself off from everyone. Cavanaugh had given her a week off. Told her to get her shit together. She only rolled her eyes at him and walked away. She hadn't been back at BPD in three days.

She sat on her couch with a beer in hand, three other empty bottles staining her coffee table. Her feet were up and the television was on the History channel. She was learning something about the city of Pompeii. Most of it, she already knew from Maura and school. There was a story line in it. They obviously tried to make it more interesting. A son betraying his father or uncle or something. She followed the story line loosely.

The knock on her door didn't startle her, it only irritated her. She pulled herself from the couch. She figured it'd been her neighbor. Marissa had been stopping by as of late and Jane had a speculation her mother had stopped by at the young girl's apartment. They weren't close enough for Jane to push away. But, hell, she tried. She managed to push away even strangers.

Although she'd been already working on the locks on her door. She called out "who is it?"

"It's me." The voice said. It was calm. Even. Not a decimal above it's regular volume.

Jane's fingers stopped in their tracks and she looked out the peephole. There stood blonde hair. The head it belonged to was ducked. Jane pulled the door open with a force.

Maura.


	5. Chapter 5

"W-what are you doing here?" Jane asked. The beer was misty in her mind.

"I've been worried sick about you." Maura walked in without invitation. Their bodies pressed against each other for a moment but the shorter woman was only focused on getting in the apartment. "You haven't answered my phone calls. You've changed your cell phone on me. I wrote you letters, Jane. Emails. What compelled you to completely shut of out of your life?" she wasn't yelling but her volume was now higher than usual.

It angered Jane. "Cut you out of my life?" the string to her heart was shorter now that they stood so close to each other. But it ached. "You're the one who jumped on a fucking plane to help a man who has never stuck around long enough to get to know a thing about your life. Obviously he didn't care that you were the Chief Medical Examiner of Boston." Her voice lacked any real anger at Maura. But, she yelled anyway. "He just comes by every few years, busts a nut, convinces you to get him medical supplies then he leaves."

"I didn't go for him!" Maura yelled back. "There were sick children, Jane. Very sick children."

"You're fucking loaded, Maura!" Jane stepped closer. "Send them some fucking money instead of ignoring the duties you have here!"

"What is my duty here, Jane?" Maura's tone was quieter. She was curious. There was more to it than just work. There had to be. "What should I have stayed for?"

The answer should have been obvious. The fact that it wasn't only hurt even more. "Get out."

"Is it Bass?" Maura questioned as she took one step closer. When she got no response she tried again. "Angela?" She took another step. "Frankie?" Another step. "Tommy?" Another step. "Frost? Korsak?" Two steps. "Or is it..." she took one final step and she could feel Jane's heavy breath on her lips. "_You?_"

"You called them all first." Jane said. "I was the last person you called. I was the least important."

Maura's face mirrored confusion. But, then she understood. "You're not." She exhaled. "You're the most important person in my life, Jane. You mean more to me than anyone else I have ever met."

"Do I?"

"I..." She was at a loss for words. It was clear she was struggling and normally, Jane would help her in this situation. "I...called them first because I knew that our conversations would be short. You were the last because you were the most important. I wanted the most time with you. I didn't want a timer on our conversation. But, I suppose it didn't matter anyway because you never answered any of my phone calls."

At this Jane found herself empty of anger and full of guilt.

She couldn't form a response so she just looked down at her feet. Her suddenly interesting feet.

"Why?" Maura almost begged. "Why have you done this yourself?"

"Because," Jane's voice was low. She didn't want to admit to it but when it came to Maura she would admit to anything.

"_Why?_" The honey-blonde urged. Her hands on Jane's shoulders. "Why would you do this?"

"I didn't want you to go." Her voice was so quiet, Maura almost didn't hear her. She had to think for a moment.

"W-what?" She was confused. Maybe she hadn't heard her right.

"I didn't want you to go." The brunette repeated. A little louder. "To Ian. I didn't want you to go to Ian."

"W-why not?"

"I...I needed you here." She dropped down on the bar stool, defeated. Her head was in her hands and she could feel Maura trying to pry her hands away. "I needed you to be here and you left...for Ian. A man who never bothered to stay for you, anyway."

"Jane, wait." Maura's voice was firm and yet gentle at the same time. Only Maura knew how to handle Jane. "The...the last few times he was here...he offered to stay." She frowned. "He offered to stay but...I didn't want him to."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because there was someone else." She smiled. "There has been someone else for quite some time."

"Oh." The brunette's face fell.

"And quite frankly," Maura pulled her hands away again. "I'm a bit surprised that_she_ hasn't been able to see that."

This caught Jane's attention. Her head snapped up. Just in time to see the smirk Maura wore. Just enough time to see it before Maura's lips were on hers. It was slow. Hesitant. Maura was just as nervous as Jane, so her lips were stock-still. Neither of them moved, neither of them opened their eyes. For a moment, Jane was sure the other woman was going to pull away. And when a minute had gone by, she finally decided that enough was enough. Maura was right freakinng there. Right there, lips pressed against her own and now wasn't the time to be unsure of everything.

Jane was the first to move her lips. She took Maura's bottom lip into her own and her teeth slowly grazed the skin. She could taste Maura's lipstick and somehow it felt right. All of the other women who wore lipstick felt wrong. But, Maura felt right. She tasted right. She tasted just like Jane had thought she would and so much better.

It took her a moment but the honey-blonde's wheels began to churn again and her lips moved at their own volition. She could feel Jane's tongue seeking permission but she had not yet wanted to give it. She was still angry. This woman had ignored her, turned her own life around, and proceeded to be angry at the wrong people. So she wasn't going to let Jane in that easy.

But Jane grew impatient. She groaned into the kiss as she stood and pulled Maura closer to her. The other woman made a small noise but continued to deny her the taste of her tongue. Jane removed the smaller woman's cardigan. She had no idea what that would do to help because it didn't do anything. Maura only backed away, putting slightly some space between them.

Finally the brunette gave up. She pulled away. Her teeth tugged at the Doctor's bottom lip before she released it.

"We have to talk about this." Maura said, without missing a beat. Her head was swimming. It was racing with want and confusion and curiosity but before she jumped into bed with Jane she wanted to be sure of it all. "Did you miss me because I wasn't here or did you miss me because you thought you'd lost me?" It wasn't how she'd exactly wanted to ask the question but with her mind going a hundred miles per hour, she had no control over her words. They spilled out of her straight from her thoughts.

"Maura I never wanted you to leave." Jane's voice was low and hard. "You asked me to give you a reason and I didn't think 'because I just don't want you to go' was good enough."

"You could have given me the truth." The smaller woman replied quickly.

"And risk our friendship?" The taller woman laughed, mockingly. Maura glared. "Maur, you are the best damn thing that has happened to me. I wasn't going to let you go because of how I felt."

"Jane, you did let me go." Maura took Jane's face in her hands. Her touch was delicate. "You let me to go to Africa. You let me go the minute you stopped returning my calls. Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Seems like you were angry rather worried."

"I was angry, but I was far more worried." She pulled away. "It didn't help when your mother began calling me and asking me if I knew what was wrong with you."

"She called you?"

Maura gave her a look. "Of course she called me."

"Well I'm sorry you had to come all the way back here-"

"You don't get it, do you?" The Doctor rolled her eyes. "Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I didn't come back here because your mother made me. There's a lot of things that woman can convince me to do but this? This was not one of them. I'm here because I love you."

"You don't-"

"Yes, I do." Her hand was over her heart. "I told you that I liked Tommy. But I loved you. What was your response?"

Jane thought for a moment. She knew everything about that night so it didn't take much for her to recall it. That night, she resisted the urge to tell Maura how she felt. She'd been so angry at her. It wasn't because she didn't tell her about Tommy. She knew the rules. Hell, she was required by law to enforce them. If Maura had told her, she would have had to arrested her. She was angry because Tommy had kissed her. Tommy had feelings for her. And Maura had let Tommy kiss her. Maura had let Tommy have feelings for her.

"I didn't say anything."

"Exactly." Maura looked away for a moment. "If you had asked me then I would have told you the truth. All you had to do was ask Jane and I would have given you what you wanted."

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"

"I had no right." She frowned. "You were going through something with Dean and Casey. It would have been inappropriate and selfish of me mention my feelings for you while you upset over two men."

Jane felt like she'd been punched in the gut. All those times she'd complained about those men to Maura. She'd had no idea Maura had feelings for her. She'd had no idea she was hurting her."What do you want to do?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know." Maura answered honestly. "I want what you want."

"I don't know what I want."

There was a long silence. Long enough for Maura to make herself comfortable on the couch while Jane stayed put in the kitchen. At some point, day turned to night. Maura ended up with wine in her hands and Jane had a beer in hers. They'd stared at the walls. They stared at their objects in hand. They stared at the television that was muted. But, they didn't look at each other. They couldn't look at each other.

"Let's not figure this out right now, okay?" Jane asked. "Let's just...let's take this slow. We obviously have more to discuss. Considering I was a royal bitch to you and everyone else."

"You were." Maura agreed.

Jane glared for a moment. "I know. It's late. Let's just call it a night and we'll pick this up in the morning, okay? Let's sleep on it."

At first her face showed no sign of emotion, but then fear, sadness, and rejection crossed her face before she stood. "Okay." Maura agreed. She grabbed her cardigan and purse.

"No, wait, that's...I didn't mean I wanted you to leave."

"You didn't?"

"I want you to come to bed with me."

Now a look of surprise and arousal crossed Maura's features. "I don't think that will help us at all."

"I won't touch you." Jane promised. "I'll stay on my side of the bed."

"And what if _I _touch _you?_"

"Well I'm certainly not gonna stop you."

The honey-blonde smiled.

"So...please? Come to bed with me?"

She'd been sold the first time. Jane should have known that. Maura nodded and dropped her purse back onto the counter. She removed her heels then walked straight the back of the brunette's apartment. Jane followed behind her after turning off the lights.

As they reached the brunette's bedroom, Maura was already unzipping her dress. She'd considered asking Jane to do it but that would have made things so much more difficult. She went straight to her drawer and removed a pair of her silk pajamas.

Jane only removed her pants and shirt. She was in the bed and under the blanket in just minutes. She watched Maura descend from the bathroom and walk all the way around the bed. She watched Maura climb in.

There was an awkward silence as both women didn't know what to say or do with themselves.

"Goodnight." Maura finally said.

"'Night." Jane replied.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Nose: Note the Rated M.**

* * *

The angrily red letters told her it was one in the morning. She was supposed to have gone to bed at ten.

Jane looked at the clock once more before rolling her eyes and taking a deep breath. She looked at Maura but she couldn't see much in the dark. She knew the other woman wasn't asleep. And if she were, she was barely on the brink of unconsciousness.

She wanted Maura. She wanted Maura more than sexually. She wanted to hold Maura. She wanted to kiss Maura. She wanted to love Maura the way Maura deserved to be loved. But, she'd promised. She'd promised that she wouldn't touch her. Why she'd made that promise she had no idea.

"If you're going to stay awake and berate yourself, you might as well do it aloud." Maura rolled over to Jane's side. "You've been sighing heavily for the last hour."

"I can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I want to touch you." She said honestly.

Maura gasped almost quietly. She would be lying to herself if she'd said she didn't want to be touched by Jane. She'd been disappointed that Jane had kept her promise. Jane was so close to her. A distance she'd dreamt of every night for the last three years.

"I'm not stopping you." She finally said as she bit her lip.

Those words seemed to have ignited something in the Detective because her lips were on Maura's in a frenzy. Her knee was nudging the Doctor's legs apart, seeking access with or without permission. Maura's hands were being held above her head. Her lips were taken. Jane's tongue was foreign and yet so familiar. Just like her touch.

One of Jane's hands traveled down to the honey-blonde's silky bottoms and she pulled them down. She pulled away briefly to get them all the way off. Then her fingers worked masterfully on the Doctor's silky top as she undid each button without hesitation.

Maura tried not to dwell on why Jane was so good at that.

Maura's chest was bare. She lacked a bra. Her nipples were perked and Jane couldn't help but lick her own lips. She dipped her head down and licked the pink nubs. The smaller woman's back was arched, giving her an easier access. Jane let go of the other woman's wrists and focused on the task at hand. She licked and sucked and nipped until Maura's hands were in her hair urging her for more.

"Jane," she whispered. "please," she urged.

She'd heard her. But she didn't respond. She liked the thought of Maura wanting only her. She liked the sound of Maura begging for just her.

The brunette kissed a feather light trail from Maura's breasts to her thighs.

"I want what you want." Maura reminded when the Detective seemed to lose her confidence. "I want this, Jane. I want you."

She nodded. For a moment she just stared. She stared at the woman begging for her. She stared at the woman she loved. For months she hadn't thought she would be here with Maura.

"Did you...did you and Ian ever...you know?"

Maura gave her a confused look. "Are you asking if I ever had intercourse with Ian?"

"While you were in Africa?"

She didn't respond right away which scared Jane. Her heart hammered in her chest.

"No." Maura finally said. "We didn't have intercourse."

She didn't believe her right away. But Maura couldn't lie if her life depended on it and there were multiple times that Jane had witnessed that. She kissed the inside of Maura's right thigh. The skin was soft. Just as soft as the rest of her was.

Maura drew her legs up to give the brunette an easier access. Want was controlling her every thought and she knew she was going to doubt what they'd done in the morning. Regret? No. Doubt? Yes. It was going to make everything so much harder.

"Please, Jane." Maura begged when the brunette had been moving at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"I've dreamt about this for months, Maur." Jane whispered. "I want to savor this."

"That is really sweet, Jane." The honey-blonde swallowed. "But at this juncture, I'll give myself to you every day for the rest of my life if you just..." She meant the words. She meant them in every possible way. She just hadn't expected herself to say them so soon. She looked down at the other woman, expecting Jane to be getting ready to retreat. But she hadn't. She didn't retreat. Instead, her fingers were deftly removing Maura's lace panties and her eyes were determined.

Jane didn't waste any time at all. If she could have Maura any time she wanted for the rest of her life then this was just going to be the first of many. She would have so many other nights to take her time and do things right.

Maura was wet. She was soaking and glistening in the moonlight. Jane bit her bottom lip as she touched the delicate bundle of nerves with her thumb. Maura's response almost startled her. Almost. The other woman had gasped. _She's sensitive_. Jane smirked to herself. Her tongue licked the bundle of nerves and two hands flew to her hair. She used her left hand to slowly dip two fingers inside of the other woman. The hands in her hair tightened around her locks.

"Jane," Maura moaned. "more, please." She begged. Maura rarely ever begged for anything. Actually, Jane couldn't think of a time she'd ever heard Maura beg her to do anything. Her heart felt as if it were swelling in her chest.

She complied to Maura's wish. Her tongue moved at a rapid pace as her fingers began pumping in out of the smaller woman slowly. It was almost teasingly slow. She could tell Maura was so conflicted. Part of her was enjoying the feeling of the brunette's tongue on her clit but the other part of her wanted a faster pace with the fingers inside of her.

"More." She urged.

Without warning, Jane's fingers picked up quickly and rather rapidly. Going at an extremely fast pace, Maura felt herself being worked to the edge. She moaned. She gasped. She pulled at the brunette's hair. She clenched and unclenched her jaw. She tightened her legs only to release them for more access.

The sound of her own wetness for Jane was astonishingly arousing.

"You want what I want?" Jane groaned.

"I...I do." She fought the urge to scream. "I do."

"I want you like this every night for the rest of our lives." Jane spoke loud enough for Maura to hear her. Over the side of her fingers in her core. Over the sound of the other woman's moaning. Over the sound of Boston on the other side of the window.

"You have me, Jane. I'm yours." Maura's back arched and she threw her head back. "I have been yours since the moment I met you."

"No one else gets to have you." The Detective growled.

"No one." The Doctor agreed.

"No one gets to make you wet like this."

"No one does, Jane." She promised.

"No more chess games with my brothers." She warned. "No more visits from Ian. No more checking guys out as we work out. No more flirting over dead bodies. You. Are. Mine."

Maura agreed with a moan.

"Say it." Jane instructed. "Say it!"

"I am yours." She breathed. "I. Am. Yours."

The brunette smirked, reattaching her tongue back to Maura's clit. The honey-blonde threw a pillow over face. She was sure she was going to wake the neighbors if Jane continued at this rate.

It wasn't soon after that the brunette's pace was frantic and wild and Maura was screaming into the pillow. Her back arched. Her hips moving with Jane's fingers and tongue. Her climax was building and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

"I want to hear you scream my name." Jane said.

Maura removed the pillow from her face. Her fingers pulled at the sheets. Her legs were over the brunette's shoulders and her ankles were locked on the Detective's back. One final push and she was falling from the edge and screaming.

Jane waited a moment before pulling away. Maura's breathing was heavy as were her own. She climbed up the smaller woman and kissed her.

"Oh, oh!" Maura pushed at Jane's abdomen. "I'm still very sensitive."

Jane looked between them. Their cores were inches apart now. She kissed the honey-blonde. This kiss had been much like their first one except they knew the workings of one another. They knew what worked well and what didn't. Jane's fingers weaved through honey-blonde hair.

Maura could taste herself on Jane's lips which only aroused her all over again. She pulled away to look into chocolate brown eyes. "Say it." She encouraged.

Jane was confused for a moment but then she understood. "I love you."

Maura smiled. "I know."

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**Author's Nose & Mouth: Thank you guys soooo much for reading. Reviewing would be lovely but no pressure. Have a wonderful day/night/evening wherever you are in this world.**


	7. Chapter 7

The rhythmical vibrations from Maura's iPhone could be heard across the room on Jane's desk. The brunette's arm was wrapped tightly around her, in an embrace that felt almost impossible to extricate herself from. Not that she had any ambition to try in the first place. The sound must have woken Jane because she nuzzled closer to Maura and tightened her hold.

"Morning," she whispered in a grave voice.

"Good morning," the honey-blonde smiled to herself. She rolled over in her lover's arms and kissed her lips, softly. "I would like to repay you for last night."

Jane smiled and rubbed her eyes. "Being here is payment enough."

"Well, a proper payment is in order."

"What do you have in mind?"

Maura smirked as she slid her leg over Jane's and pushed herself atop the other woman. "I have a few ideas in mind."

"Oh?" Jane quirked an eyebrow. "Care to share any?"

"I think," Maura ground her hips. "you could figure them out."

The brunette licked her lips. "You're playing with fire, Maur."

"Maybe." She kissed her way down Jane's body. She didn't know when the Detective had freed herself of every article of clothing, but she was happy.

"Wait, wait." Jane sat up. "I have to pee."

Maura sighed. "Make it quick, I'm getting hungry."

The brunette was out of the bed quickly. Maura watched her practically run to the bathroom, almost running into the dresser. She tried to hide her laugh but received a glare from the brunette. She quickly covered her mouth and cleared her throat of any remaining laughter.

Once she was alone, she looked around the room. Nothing had changed. It was almost as if the last few weeks had never happened. Almost as if she'd never gone anywhere. But things were different. She and Jane were different. They were kissing. They were making love. They were holding each other. They were lovers. Everything between them was different. They were no longer just friends. They were no longer oblivious to their feelings. They were no longer holding back.

Maura smiled at the thought. She walked around the bed and opened the top drawer on the right, pulling out a pair of her own underwear.

Jane's payment would just have to wait until tonight.

"I'm hungry." Maura said to Jane, who'd been brushing her teeth on the other side of the door. "I'm thinking of making us breakfast."

"How about I eat breakfast and you can spend all morning eating something else?"

She was a little taken back by Jane's rawness. She smirked. "I'll need energy somehow, Jane." She tisked.

"Fine, I guess. Let's go out and eat." The sound of the faucet was replaced by the sound of a shower. "I have a feeling we won't be very productive in here."

Maura thought she'd left a bra here. She frowned as she looked around the room for her one from last night. "That sounds perfect." She agreed, getting on her knees to check under the bed.

Her bra was red. It was lace. It matched her panties from last night. But that didn't explain why she was staring at a plain black bra. She pulled it from under the bed. The cup size didn't match her own nor Jane's. It also didn't match Angela, which wouldn't make any sense anyway.

"Jane."

"Yeah?" the brunette opened the door. A cloud of steam hovering over her head.

"What's this?" she turned around.

"A bra," the brunette laughed. "you're the genius here, Maur."

Maura closed her eyes. "I see that. But, it's not my bra nor your bra."

Jane's face fell. It turned blue almost immediately. "Um...are you sure?"

"I'm positive it's not mine. And unless you've had breast implants without telling me, I'm almost certain it's not yours as well."

"I..."

"Who does it belong to?"

The Detective had no response.

"Jane." The Doctor almost begged.

Still, the Detective was silent.

"Who does it belong to?" she demanded.

"I..I don't know."

"Please do not lie to me." Maura scowled. "Who does it belong to?"

"I don't know!" Jane sighed. "I...I really don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"I...don't remember her name." The brunette's face fell. "Or maybe she never gave it to me."

Maura dropped the bra, almost disgusted by it. She looked around for her own. It'd been on Jane's side of the bed.

"Maur, what are you doing?" Jane bet down to put her shirt back on. She was thankful it was long enough to cover her ass. She didn't want to argue half naked. "Where are you going?"

"Last night you seemed almost repulsed by the idea of Ian and I sleeping together." She shimmied her dress up her thighs. "And yet, here you've been sleeping around."

"Maura, come on." She touched the smaller woman's arm. "Hear me out, okay? It's not what you think."

The honey-blonde pulled her arm away as if she'd been burned. "It's not what I think? Oh, really Jane? Tell me what it is, then. Please enlighten me."

"I...I thought you were sleeping with him." She frowned, dropping her head. "I thought you didn't care about me and I needed to forget about you. I needed to move on."

"So that was your answer?!" Maura pointed to the discarded bra.

"No!" Jane ran her fingers through her hair. "I mean...yes. I guess, yes. My immediate response was to get off my ass drunk and fuck random women."

"So...there's more?" She almost gagged. "There's more women?"

Jane looked at her guiltily.

"Oh God," she grabbed her shoes and phone as quickly as she could.

"Maura, please! Let's just talk about this."

'There's absolutely _nothing_ to discuss, Jane."

"I'm not perfect."

"I'm not asking you to be." Maura turned around, abruptly. "I've never expected you to be perfect, Jane. I've never thought you to be perfect. But I at least hoped you would be faithful enough."

"We weren't together!"

"If I slept with Ian, would you not feel betrayed, Jane?" She questioned, daring the Detective to lie to her. "Would you not feel like I'd cheated in some form? Would it not hurt you to think of me with another man while I claimed to have love you and only you? I gave myself to you last night, Jane. Not just physically, but emotionally I vowed to be _yours_."

"I'm sorry." Maura's words, her voice, her tone, it was like loud noises on a hangover. They hurt. She winced at the pain.

"Right now that's not enough."

* * *

Maura chopped angrily at the kale on her cutting board. She wasn't even sure of the dinner she was making. She'd just been putting things together. Cutting and chopping whatever came to mind.

It only hurt because not only had Jane been angry that Maura_ might_ have been sleeping with Ian and was going around sleeping with multiple women, but throughout that she'd ignored Maura for all of those women.

The music in the background was decreased and she looked up to Angela with the remote in her hand.

"You seem upset." The older woman stated. She reached for her own apron. "I take it things with Jane didn't go so well last night?"

"I would really prefer to talk about something else, Angela." She didn't mean for her voice to be so icy but she couldn't help the anger that rose within her. "I didn't see you this morning." She tried to change the subject.

"I had a date." Mrs. Rizzoli admitted, sheepishly. "It...went well."

"Oh?" Maura handed the knife to Angela and went back to the pot on the stove.

"He was amazing."

"That's great, Angela." She actually meant it. She was glad that Angela was finally moving on and happy. "When will I meet him?"

"Well..." the older woman looked over at her. "You kind of already have."

Maura thought for a moment. "Stanley?"

"Oh God no." The other woman laughed. "No, it's-" she was cut off by the opening of the front door. Maura's head snapped up.

Jane stood there. Breathing heavy. Covered in rain, or sweat. It was hard to tell.

"What are you doing here?" Maura asked.

"Ma, can you give us some time alone?"

"Jane, what's wrong?" Angela ignored her daughter's request. "Why are you breathing so hard?" She was feeling the brunette's head.

"Can you...can you just give us some time alone?" The taller woman pulled away.

"Sure." Angela frowned. "I'll just...be in the guesthouse." She said as Jane and Maura stared at each other.

The Detective walked into the kitchen and reached for Maura's hand. "I had this whole speech prepared." She swallowed. "But I forgot it the moment I saw you." She pressed the other woman's hand against her chest. "Do you feel that?" Her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

"Please leave."

Instead of doing what she was asked, she pulled Maura close and pressed their lips together. It'd been the first real kiss they had. At least to Jane. Their lips moved almost immediately this time. No matter how angry Maura was, she couldn't not kiss Jane. It was like a knee-jerk reaction. Their kiss became desperate. For what, Jane didn't know. She pulled away and pressed the same hand from before against her chest.

"Do you feel it now?" Somehow her heart's rate had paced even faster. "This is why I slept with all of those women." Her other hand cradled Maura's face. "I was searching for someone who could do this to me. I wanted to find someone who could make me feel like you do. I couldn't, Maura. I couldn't find a damn woman that makes me as crazy as you do. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being and I don't care if it's not enough for you to forgive me. I just need you to know that you're the most important person in my life. I'm so sorry for what I did but I can't change it and I wouldn't if I could because if it hadn't been any of that I'm not sure I would have you now."

"Please tell me you can forgive me, Maura. Please tell me you can still see us happy together. Please tell me you can still see a future with me?"

She was silent for a moment. Looking at her hand against Jane's chest. Her own heart beating just as hard and fast. She couldn't live without Jane. No matter what. She couldn't imagine herself living without Jane. The thought of it sent a sharp pain to her chest.

She sighed and looked into those brown eyes that had her falling hard and fast from the beginning. "You are not to look at another woman with want ever again." She instructed as she untied her apron. "You are not to kiss another woman."

"Done." Jane promised.

"You are absolutely not to have sex with another woman."

"Okay." The brunette agreed.

"You will make it up to me." She unbuttoned the Detective's plaid shirt. "_Tonight._"

Jane smiled. Relief sweeping over her body.

"Say it." Maura commanded as she reached the last button, pushing the brunette's shirt over her shoulders.

"I love you."

"You better."

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**Author's Nose: You already know I had to. I had this chapter left when I wrote this story and I debated if I should post it or not. But...well yeah you know I had to. Okay so NOW the story is completed. Reviews would be great but of course not necessary. Thanks for reading.**


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